Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
