all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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