you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
