Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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