Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
