I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
