I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
