plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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