Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
