Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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