we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
