The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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