Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
