WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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