Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
