just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
