Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
