i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize