M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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