I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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