I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
