You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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