Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize