I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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