So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
