Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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