Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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