So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
