I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
