I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
