please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
...so i touched it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.