i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
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FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
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How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha