sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
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you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.