I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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