I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
