I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
