am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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