So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
