you guys were way drunker than both of me
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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