Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Damn victory sex feels great
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
