U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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