What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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