i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
