were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
