I got chris browned last night
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
