my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
