how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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