i jhust puked up my retainher.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
