A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
