Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
