His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
