I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
