You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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