So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
