literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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