she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
