in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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