I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize