so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
