Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
