just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
